There’s this outrageously funny character in the British comedy sketch show Little Britain, 25-year-old Harvey Pincher, who still breastfeeds. He insists on “bitty” (euphemism for breast milk) and says “I want bitty now!” when the urge strikes him. If you don’t cringe while watching the scenes where his mother relents and lets him nurse (at his wedding day no less!) you would find it hilarious.
Even though this skit is an exaggeration of how long the breastfeeding journey can be, even breastfeeding a walking, talking toddler was an idea I used to find uncomfortable. When I was asked once how long I would breastfeed my infant, I said six months, because that was the recommended minimum by the hospital at which I had delivered my newborn. Later, when I had surmounted initial difficulties, six months didn’t seem that long after all. So when asked again when I would wean my baby, I said when he could walk.
Now my 17-month-old toddler runs and babbles constantly with a smattering of discernible words. And I’m still breastfeeding.
There’s nothing wrong with breastfeeding a toddler. In fact, the World Health Organization recommends that babies be breastfeed until the age of two or beyond. You wouldn’t know it from the views of most doctors I’ve spoken to, who don’t think it’s necessary at all to be breastfeeding a baby who’s already on solids. However, I do worry that my toddler’s dependence on nursing mainly for comfort might affect his sleep (he still wakes up two or three times in the night to nurse) and also interrupt his daytime activities. I often wonder how he will go to preschool if he suddenly wants to breastfeed in the middle of class? Inappropriate occasions haven’t stopped Harvey Pincher but he’s a really terrible example.
My personal target in weaning my toddler off nursing is when he’s two, but the reduction in the number of times he nurses has to begin before that. One of my first attempts, with the advice of my health visitor – a registered nurse and a well-trained midwife and consultant – was to reduce the number of night nursing sessions from three to two. Even that was an agonising process. My toddler would scream and cry for half an hour, sometimes up to an hour. I could hear the anguish in his cries and he would try to climb all over my body, pleading to nurse. It was and still is one of the hardest things to do in my life, to resist his heart-breaking cries.
I was told to persevere for at least a week, and be prepared for regression even after success. My husband was a great help, for I had to appear inaccessible (e.g., pretend to be asleep) and he’d be there to comfort my toddler. It worked for a few months, and I was happily nursing him just twice a night. Daytime was a little easier as he could be distracted by other activities. The difficulty seemed to be in weaning him off nursing to sleep. As he still has one nap at midday, he still nurses to sleep then, and then another time at his bedtime.
Just when I thought I was well on my way to weaning, my toddler has recently increased his number of nursing times during the day and night. There could be a variety of reasons for this, including teething, an increased need for comfort and separation anxiety that tends to peak around this age. In a nutshell, my toddler falls off the wagon during these times and I end up feeling like a well-worn opium pipe for the young master.
I’m sure there are many steely mothers out there who have successfully weaned their toddlers and braved the screaming and crying that might have come with the process. I’m not one of them, and I suspect this is because I have mixed feelings about stopping breastfeeding permanently. As strange as I had initially thought it would be to nurse a toddler who is well aware of his surroundings compared to an infant, the feeling is much the same – watching your happy child look at you with love and gratitude (sometimes with mischief as he tries to pick your nose or poke your eye) while enjoying the quiet time you have together. Still, for the sake of my toddler, I yearn for the day when he’ll self-wean, preferring to run around, kicking a ball, than to tug desperately at my shirt at all hours of the day and night.
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Janet Tay was a freelance writer and editor before becoming a stay-at-home mum. She has published short stories, book reviews and articles on books and the literary world in MPH Quill and The Star. She currently juggles her time between writing and running after her toddler around the house.
Image Credit: StockFreeImages.com